Childlike Humility – 1 – 1/4/26

If you will turn to Matthew 18 with me… This past fall, Samuel James wrote about a growing trend on Reddit. Never been on it, but apparently, Reddit is a collection of communities people join online, and someone has used data analysis tools to study the kind of comments people make when others ask relational advice.

So these data analysis tools are trying to track the advice given from 2010 to 2025. Are there any changes? Is there a trend?

You’ll notice these relational trends—especially the red (the top line)—you will notice a dramatic increase in advice given that is primarily recommending terminating the relationship. Like, if you’re dating and you’re asking advice, “what should I do about this guy I’m dating,” the advice from 2010 to 2025 has seen a significant rise in “break up with him,” “cut him off.” If you’re married and you are asking marital advice: “end it,” “divorce that guy/that girl.” “End the relationship.” That’s what the red is showing.

Now, the green (below that) — I know that’s hard to see, but you can see the next two lines generally go down. The green is a line tracking “give space and time,” and then the blue is tracking communication. So “terminate the relationship” is going up. “Communicate” is going down.

This is not a scientific study, but it does seem like we as a culture are trending toward cutting off, canceling, ending, terminating relationships more quickly. Also, anecdotally, more and more parents feel cut off from their adult children. Christians are—based on some recent studies—divorcing almost as often as non-Christians.

42% of Christians in a recent survey say it’s wise to live together before you get married, indicating a mindset that says, “Try it out. See how it goes. If it doesn’t go well, you can always move on to someone else,” which is such a very different mindset than a covenantal, biblical marriage.

Church can be the same way. It’s much easier to just move to another church than to have to work through the messy, difficult, sometimes painful, relational challenges.

All of this might indicate an increase in viewing relationships as transient, passing, temporary. Not really worth fighting for, working on, investing in… Jesus has a very different view of relationships.

Now, he nor I am saying that there’s never a time to end a relationship or put space where needed. Or — and this is something so many don’t understand — real love sometimes says no. “No.” And that can still be love. Love can say no. Do we understand that? We’re not negating any of that, but Jesus has a very high view of the value of relationships.

This all flows from his Trinitarian relationship as Father, Son, and Spirit for all eternity. So, as we begin this series on relationships, let’s ask the Spirit to help us because we’re doing something counter-cultural, and it goes against our natural bent. Let’s pray.

Father, we are being discipled every day on social media, in movies, in music, casual conversations, the air we breathe on how to view and do relationships. Some of it is helpful, so much of it is not. It’s not helpful, it’s not biblical, it’s not fruitful.

And so we have gathered this morning to say in your presence, “We want to be discipled by Jesus, not by our culture or our cravings.” We want to be ready to repent of our proud thoughts, of our unbiblical cultural assumptions, of our unloving actions, and Lord, we want to follow Jesus.

So please, do what we cannot do for ourselves. Give us humble hearts and give us patience when this transforming process feels more like death, even though it leads to life. Spirit, fill us now, we pray, in Jesus’s name, amen.

For the past two years, we’ve been studying the gospel of Matthew, a study that is really all about beholding the King.

The structure of Matthew vacillates between show and tell. Show and tell. That is, Jesus is doing miracles (and there’s teaching sprinkled throughout, of course), but then, periodically, you have these major discourses or sermons.

Chapters five through seven were the first big one, the Sermon on the Mount. Then we came to chapter 10, the Sermon on the Mission, where Jesus was preparing them to send out. Then in chapter 13, the Sermon in Parables. Now we’ve come to chapter 18, the Sermon on Relationships.

You say, “Well, how do we know these were designed by God through Matthew to actually be sermons/discourses in and of themselves?” Well, there are indications in the text.

You will notice 19:1 ends the same way every one of these sermons ends. Or, what immediately follows them is a statement like, “When Jesus had finished these sayings…” So we know this was designed. Matthew is saying, “I’m going to show you who Jesus is, and now I’m going to feature a major sermon/discourse that he taught or preached.”

As we pick up from our journey through Matthew, having last fall ended chapter 17, we are now picking up in chapter 18. Let me give an overview of where we’re going to be the next five Sundays, Lord willing. The Sermon on Relationships can be broken into four parts:

One is the basis of relationships, and that is childlike humility (1-9). Second, the value of relationships, which is individual significance (10-14). Every person matters, no matter how small or significant. Number three, the upkeep of relationships. How do we maintain these relationships? And that is through progressive communication or confrontation (15-20). Then the healing of relationships, continual forgiveness (21-35).

Today, we’re starting with the basis of relationships: childlike humility, verses one through nine. We’re going to do this in two parts, this week and next week, Lord willing.

Today is ordination Sunday, so I want to begin unpacking verses one through nine, but in some places I’m going to raise more questions than I’m going to answer because we’re going to specifically, this week, apply this to leadership. It’s going to have implications on all of us, but we’re going to apply it to leadership.

Then, Lord willing, we’re going to come back next week and go through it again, touch on some things I’m not going to have time for today, and apply it more generally to all of us. Let’s begin with the context.

Jesus has recently revealed his identity to his disciples. Think of Peter’s great confession in 16:16,

“You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

Then Jesus promised,

“I will build my church.”

The way he builds his church, verse 21, is through his death, burial, and resurrection. And that has implications, not just on a historical event, but it shapes the way we all (his followers) think about church and relationships.

But the disciples aren’t getting it. This understanding of how he forms the church through the way of the cross and how that shapes the way we think about everything escapes them. There are so many examples of that, but 18:1 jumps out at us. Look at verse one, the second half. They ask, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” (18:1b) The greatest.

Right now, some of you know, there’s a pretty hot debate going on as to who is going to be the MVP of the NFL. It kind of comes down to two guys: Matthew Stafford and Drake Maye.

I know nothing about this, but when I listen to people who know things about this, they are usually debating stats: passing percentages, yards, touchdowns, how hard their season has been, all these things. What they’re looking at, an MVP, who brings the most value? The “most valuable player” of the team. If you pull that player out, that team would be in trouble. That’s the MVP.

Essentially, the disciples are asking that question to Jesus. “Jesus, in your kingdom, who’s MVP? Who brings the most value?”

You would think he would say something like, “Well, my cousin, John T. Baptist. He is amazing.” Or Peter. Think of Peter: the leader of the disciples. He messes up a lot, but he made the great confession. He even walked on water for a little while. Have you walked on water? He’s got some good stats. Maybe he’s the MVP, but look what Jesus does in verse two.

“And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:2).

MVP of my kingdom. This kid is standing there: snot coming out of his nose, bed head, sandals on the wrong feet. The disciples are going, “What? What stats does this snotty-nose kid have? What has he done?” Hmm. That may be the point.

Now, some go astray at this point, and they want to highlight the sinlessness of children. “That’s what makes them MVP.” Have you ever had a child? Like, the only people who argue for the sinlessness of children have never had one. Jesus is not holding up kids as sinless, but as stat-less. Dependent. Disinterested in stats and status.

This can make them quite dangerous. You’re on a Zoom call with your CEO. Your three-year-old decides this is a really good time to run into the room with no clothes on. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care who you’re meeting with or how important that meeting is. He’s not about stats or status or how important people are in relation to one another.

Now, there is a negative side to this, and we’ve seen it in our journey through Matthew. Think of 11:16, Jesus compared his generation to children in the marketplace: immature, fickle, easily distracted, childish. Then he prays a few verses later in 11:25-26,

“At that time Jesus declared, ‘I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will” (Matthew 11:25-26).

So in chapter 11, Jesus contrasts childishness (which is bad) with childlikeness (which is good). Here in chapter 18, he’s coming back to the good comparison: childlikeness. Let’s define childlike humility.

This isn’t comprehensive, but I think it’s getting at something, and it’s a compilation of a bunch of people (like Tim Keller, Gavin Ortlund, C.S. Lewis, and others): the sanity of self-forgetfulness. Childlike humility is the sanity of self-forgetfulness. Notice there are two parts to this definition:

First is an awareness part, the sanity part. Sanity is conveying the idea that humility is not delusional, either in high pride or low pride. Humility is, as Hannah Anderson in her great book, Humble Roots, says humility is simply “knowing ourselves as creatures.”

Knowing. Humility knows something. Humility knows its strengths and weaknesses. This is the sanity part. Humility is aligning oneself with reality. Calibrating to the way things really are.

Now, anytime we start talking about humility, there are going to be people who tune out because of a misunderstanding of what we’re talking about. For example, if you grew up in a highly manipulative home, you’re going to see humility through a particular lens. If you have experienced abuse and coercion, humility is going to mean something to you that it doesn’t actually mean. So what does humility not mean?

Humility is not being servile, obsequious, weak, spineless, or parasitical. Humility is not being a groveling sycophant. I’ve mentioned that word before. I just like the way it sounds, sycophant. Don’t be a sycophant. A sycophant pretends to be humble in order to get near power. Humility is not speaking softly in order to use or abuse someone. So there are so many false versions of humility that give humility a bad reputation. That’s not humility.

Childlike humility is sane, sober, and reasonable. That’s the awareness part, the sanity part.

Then there’s also an attention part. That’s self-forgetfulness. Humility is not focusing on oneself. As Oswald Chambers said,

“There’s nothing more awful than conscious humility, it is the most Satanic type of pride.”

This makes talking about, teaching about, and working on humility difficult, doesn’t it? Because, as Tim Keller often said,

“Humility is so shy. If you begin talking about it, it leaves.”

The moment I talk about how humble I am, humility’s like, “I’m out.”

C.S. Lewis, in his Screwtape Letters, records the devil advising his students,

“Your patient has become humble; have you drawn his attention to the fact?”

The sanity of self-forgetfulness. Let’s do an exercise:

Can you remember a time when you were confronted with someone’s need and you, by God’s grace, were able to meet that need? Maybe someone needed a meal or some money or help changing their tire on the side of the road, or prayer because they’re in despair.

In that moment, you didn’t even have a second to think about, “Hmm, what’s in it for me?” “I wonder how I’ll look when I’m doing this.” “What if I post it online?” Like social media. “How will people respond? How many likes will I get?” You didn’t have time for any of that. You just saw a need. You had the ability, by God’s grace, to meet the need. You did it, and you moved on.

Even if you can’t think of a specific example, can you think about what that feels like? It feels good, doesn’t it? It feels right. Kind of like when you’re putting a big puzzle together and you finally put that last piece in there, “Ah!” Or you’ve torn apart your lawnmower, pieces everywhere, trying to repair it. Then you finally get all the pieces back together, you just know it’s not going to start, and Christmas miracle, it starts. It feels so good.

In that moment, when you are able to—in a self-forgetful way—simply meet a need, you’re tasting something. It feels like I’m doing what I was made to do. That’s childlike humility. There is a pleasure in humility. There is joy, a satisfaction, a shalom, a wholeness. We were made to live this way.

Listen to Gavin Ortlund. Every word here is significant:

“Humility opens our eyes to the wonders all around us: it is sensitivity to reality, the turning of our narrow selves to the vast ocean of externality, and ultimately to God himself. In this way, humility is, in every circumstance, the key to joy, flourishing, and life itself.”

It is the very basis of relationships with God, with one another.

By the way, if you haven’t picked a book to start this year, this is a great one [Humility by Gavin Ortlund]. It’s super short, so you can be proud of the fact that you knocked out a book super fast. This book is so helpful.

How do we know childlike humility is the very basis/foundation of relationships in Matthew 18? As we move closer, we will notice Jesus expresses the necessity of humility with what we could call “start-to-finish” language.

By “start-to-finish” language, I mean, if you don’t get this right, you will be off. Kind of like when you’re building a house: If the foundation is not square, if it’s lopsided, the higher you build, the more off you will be. Jesus is helping us lay the very foundation for a relationship with God and a relationship with one another. He says it several ways. Look at this:

1. You won’t enter the kingdom without childlike humility.

Humility begins the relationship. When I say childlike humility, in this context, I think it’s the same as childlike faith. You’ll see that down in verse six. Childlike trust opens the door. Look at verse 3.

“Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3-4).

“Unless you turn” implies we’re not just physically born in this kingdom. That word “turn” is the language of repentance. We’re heading the wrong way. We must repent and believe.

The nature of that turning is becoming like a child. That word “turn” is passive, communicating the fact you’re turning, but you’re being changed as you turn — from a self-sufficient, status-dependent person to a humble, God-dependent person. How does that work? James 4:6,

“God opposes the proud but gives [what?] grace to the humble” (James 4:6).

What do you and I need this year, 2026, more than anything else? Not money or time or friendship, as important as those things might be. We need grace.

What is grace? God’s undeserved, empowering favor. It’s his smile that acts like a nuclear power plant in our lives, energizing us, not only washing away our sin, but empowering us.

What do Tim, and Clark, Josh, and Connor need more than anything if they’re going to faithfully shepherd God’s flock here? They need grace. God’s undeserved, empowering favor to do what he’s called them to do. What do we need to run businesses, to teach students, to clean homes, to do whatever he’s called us to do? We need grace.

Grace only comes one way: God resists the proud, he gives grace to the humble. You want grace? Choose humility. God is irresistibly attracted to humility. Loves it. Just like justice. He loves it.

The gospel of Jesus is an invitation into childlike humility because we must acknowledge we bring nothing to the table. God brings everything. We don’t have anything he needs. He gives us everything we need to sing, pray, worship, serve, breathe, and live for him. Those who are child-like know that, by God’s grace. That’s why Jesus, at the beginning of the Beatitudes began,

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3).

You won’t enter his kingdom without childlike humility.

2. You won’t welcome Jesus without childlike humility.

Humility doesn’t just initiate a relationship; it defines the relationship. Verse five,

“Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me” (Matthew 18:5).

To receive a child in that culture, as well as our own, requires humility. Jesus links the act of welcoming the child/receiving the child with receiving him. If you’re too proud to welcome a child, you’re too proud to welcome me, Jesus said. That’s why he put the child in the middle: MVP!

Welcoming that child points beyond that child to the way we will welcome him. What are we looking at? What do we value? How do we measure things? When you welcome a child in my name, Jesus says, you welcome me. Then Jesus issues a breathtaking warning. Verse six,

“…whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me [so he’s talking about believers] to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea” (Matthew 18:6).

It is better to drown than to harm one of these little ones. This is how important relationships are to Jesus. We’re going to come back to this next week because I know what I’m about to cover is going to raise more questions than I’m going to answer. So feel free to shoot me some questions this week, email me. Not promising to cover them all.

3. You won’t live forever without childlike humility.

Humility defines the relationship into eternity. So it doesn’t just initiate. It doesn’t just define temporarily. It defines it into eternity, that’s what I mean by start-to-finish language. Look at verse seven.

“Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes! And if your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life crippled or lame than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into the eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes and to be thrown into the hell of fire” (Matthew 18:7-9).

Here, Jesus presses his point even more. Childlike humility doesn’t just have immediate benefits: giving you closer friendships, a more intimate marriage, more unified churches— it does all that. But Jesus is saying it also has eternal implications. A proud person who harms vulnerable people is jeopardizing his soul. Better to be a humble cripple with me in heaven, Jesus is saying, than a harmful influencer without me in hell.

So much more here. We’ll come back to that next week. Let’s apply this specifically to leadership, but I think it will have implications for all of us.

In the first nine verses, you will notice Jesus contrasts two kinds of people: the humble and the harmful. The humble and harmful. Babies and bullies. This is so relevant for today, because many today are talking about church hurt, which is real.

Many of us can tell stories of deep wounds caused by leaders who, by the way they led, caused more harm than help. By the way, that is one of the most humbling things about leadership: knowing that I have harmed people I intended to help.

But interestingly, over the years, I have never talked to a bully who felt like a bully. Maybe there’s one out there that says, “I’m a bully,” but most bullies feel like victims.

This morning, I want to give you three key ingredients. If one of your goals this year, for 2026, is to become a bully, I want to tell you how. What are the ingredients to becoming a bully? There are three, primarily.

1. Insecurity

Most bullies feel threatened, unheard, disrespected, and unappreciated. “I’m trying to do the right thing.” “I’m trying to get other people to do the right thing.” The dad who rages, the mom who threatens, intends to help. The pastor who coerces thinks he’s shepherding.

There is a tight connection between our insecurities/anxieties and the harm we do. Hurt people, what? Hurt People. You’ll see this connection in 1 Peter 5:6,

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:6-7).

When I feel these cares, anxieties, insecurities, concerns, I’m going to do something with them. Often, I will either throw them on God, which is what God is saying, “Please! Give me your cares. Dump your anxieties on me. Pour out your fears and your insecurities on me. I am here for you.”

We’re going to be either dumping them on God or we’re going to be dumping them on the people around us. The moment I start dumping them on the people around me, I am a bully because I’m using people rather than serving, leveraging my influence to harm rather than to help.

What Jesus is outlining in verses one through nine that is so foundational to relationships is, when you experience the insecurities all of us will experience in different ways and at different times, you have a choice between being humble and being harmful. Insecurity.

2. Manipulation

If I don’t turn to Jesus and humble my heart, I will begin to practice the second ingredient to being a bully, and that is manipulation or coercion. I try to seize control, manage the problem. In that moment, it is very easy to become a bully.

3. Justification

But since I don’t like thinking of myself as a bully (again, most bullies don’t define themselves as bullies), the third ingredient is justification. I must rationalize. “I’m just trying to address the problem.” “I’m doing my job.” “She’s supposed to submit.”

Let me give you a couple of examples. These are just random examples for leaders, but I think they apply universally.

Let’s pretend you are the teaching pastor and your job is to teach and schedule others to teach and preach. But there’s one particular young man who has a gifting from God that when he teaches or preaches, the Spirit moves in unusual ways: lives are changed, people respond, such a significant amount of fruit.

You’re the teaching pastor, and you begin wondering, “Hey, God, why isn’t that happening when I teach?” At that moment, you have a choice between being humble or harmful.

If you are humble, what is humility again? The sanity of… What am I doing up here? You’re making me feel insecure. I need to abuse you now. It’s the sanity of…self-forgetfulness. Yeah, so the sanity of self-forgetfulness says, okay…

First of all, sanity: you’re aware of your own weaknesses and strengths, which vary with all of us. And self-forgetfulness, you know, “It’s not about me. So thank you, Jesus, that you have gifted your body with so many people who can teach and serve. Hundreds and hundreds every week are being used by God in a variety of ways.” The sanity of self-forgetfulness. Do you feel the freedom from that anxiety? The saneness, the mental health that comes from that.

But if I won’t, as a teaching pastor, choose that route, then I can very easily become a bully. That is to leverage my influence to harm rather than help: “Hey, somehow I forget to schedule that guy anymore.” Or I begin trash-talking, putting him down so that others will think poorly of him. And I have to rationalize that because I have to make myself feel good, like “I’m protecting the flock.”

Second example, let’s say you’re over a ministry and you have a volunteer in that ministry who repeatedly doesn’t show up for something he’s scheduled for. It leaves people scrambling, so other volunteers have to jump in and cover.

It really frustrates you because you’re trying to oversee this ministry. You line everybody up. They say, “I’ll do that,” and then he doesn’t come through. So you begin to find yourself thinking ill of him. “He must not care. He must not love Jesus or his people.” Or, “Maybe he’s trying to make me look bad.” Like, “He’s undercutting my ministry. I feel disrespected.”

So you shoot out a cold email, or you sarcastically snap at him the next time you bump into him in the hall. Or you start letting other people know that the reason the ball was dropped was “not because of me. I planned well. It’s him.” Making sure they know who’s at fault. The moment I start doing that, I’m acting like a bully. I’m utilizing my position to harm rather than to help.

What does humility look like? First of all, the sanity part: Humility doesn’t pretend to be a mind reader. This is really important and applies to all our relationships. When you notice yourself assuming what this other person is thinking—

There are too many Christians who think they’re omniscient. Like, “I think I know what you’re thinking, because I have some kind of gift of omniscience because I think that I’m God.” No. God knows what you are thinking. I don’t know what you’re thinking. Part of that inner narrative where I begin placing thoughts in your head is the opposite of humility.

So first of all, the sanity is, “I don’t know what they’re thinking, why they didn’t show up.” But rather than assuming, how about I sit down and ask?

When I begin to humbly and gently ask good questions, I may find out they have a lot going on in their world right now. They begin to share some things that I didn’t even know, that I get to pray for, that they’re walking through and I get to help with.

Or maybe they need time management help to be able to say, “No, I can’t do that ministry. I bit off more than I can chew.” “Okay, let’s help you with that.”

Or maybe they need a strong word on “let your yes be yes and your no be no.” But the way you do that is important. If you’ve listened, not made it about yourself, and in humility and love sought to find out what’s going on in their world, and then maybe you have to deliver a firm message, but you’re doing it out of gentleness and humility, not out of insecurity/to put them down— huge difference. That’s the difference between being humble and being harmful.

The Apostle Peter, who was present when Jesus preached this sermon— Isn’t that cool to think about? He heard this countercultural sermon. He saw the kid put in the midst, and he learned the lesson. So later on in 1 Peter 5, when he wrote to instruct church leaders, elders (like we prayed over today), listen to what he writes. 1 Peter 5:1,

“So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed—”

Stop. What is he doing there? He just gave the way of the cross: sufferings to glory. He is describing what Jesus said in Matthew 16 that he didn’t get, the disciples didn’t get until much later: the way of the cross shapes the way of our relationships. So look what he goes on to say. Verse two,

“…shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly—”

Not to meet some secret need of yours, but willingly.

“…as God would have you; not for shameful gain [like in it for money], but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge—”

You’re not a bully. That word “domineering” is the idea of overpowering by seizing control. But rather,

“…being examples to the flock. And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory. Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble’” (1 Peter 5:1-5).

Let’s pray.

Father, it is a scary thing to preach on humility. You expose parts of my heart that I would rather not see. I’m sure we can all feel that right now, but we don’t want to run away from that because that’s where sanity is found. That is where peace is found, that is where mental health is found, and that is where your joy is found.

We don’t want to run from humility because someone has abused that term in our past. We want to grow in humility, and we will not grow in humility by focusing on humility. We will grow in humility by focusing on Jesus, beholding the King. Please, Spirit, move among us and do this work in our hearts. We pray in Jesus’s name, amen.