Introversion, Extroversion, and Dwelling in Unity – 7/20/25

Good morning, Church. My name is Andy Henderson. I’m the Pastor of Counseling Ministries here at North Hills.

This is the final Sunday of Wisdomfest for this summer. I’ve been challenged and encouraged over the last five weeks. During Wisdomfest, we’ve been exploring together the vital role of relational skills in a body, in a church community, recognizing that solo Christianity is really a foreign concept in the Scriptures. We’re called to follow Christ together, but there are many who struggle, not just with the value of community, but to practice it well.

Peter began the series several weeks ago by addressing the heart behind social skillfulness, drawing on Jeremiah 17 to teach us how to transfer our trust from people to God (which in turn really frees us up and allows us to love others more freely). A week later, Matt Nesberg then examined the skill of listening: listening with humility. Two weeks ago, Antone Goyak helped us to replace controlling conversations with a Christlike curiosity that opens the door for gospel transformation. And last week, Brandon Barrett was here and helped us learn that true love for others is expressed not merely in words but in a sacrificial, spirit-empowered action that reflects the love of Christ. That’s really a theme that we’re going to continue this morning as we consider the ever-present issue of individual personalities within a community setting.

I am told that this is a picture of the island where they shot the movie Cast Away. Many of you have seen the movie. It’s about a man who survives a plane crash and finds himself alone on a deserted island. In the majority of the movie, he attempts to survive and actually find his way back to civilization.

Now, it’s my hypothesis that there are two types of people who watch that movie. The first type are those who are rooting for him to get off the island. The second type is those who were wondering why in the world he would ever want to get off of that island. Those are my people.

I’m often in that latter group. I love people, but I am an introvert. Truth be told, I am a big introvert. I know that in a group this size, I’m not alone. For some, that can make social settings/interactions with others very challenging.

Author Jessica Pan knows this firsthand. She is an introvert. She wrote a book entitled Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come, in which she chronicles a whole year of life living like an extrovert— on purpose. For a year, she said yes to everything. She intentionally did things socially that previously she would have shied away from. To someone like me, that sounds exhausting.

I love my life group here at North Hills. It’s a highlight for my wife and me. One of the people in my group is Andrew White. Many of you know Andrew. He’s on our praise team sometimes. You probably know him rightfully so because he is perhaps the biggest extroverted person I have ever met. We get along splendidly.

A couple of months ago, we were sitting in life group, and he announced that it was his dream to have every adult at North Hills over to his house for dinner. I have no idea if he meant that individually or all at once. But I heard my wife, Melinda, across the room laughing, because she said I had this look of abject horror on my face.

I think there are some preconceived ideas about introversion and extroversion that are important to clear up. This has nothing to do with liking people or not. Or enjoying deep conversations, or not. Or appreciating solitude, or not.

The main difference between the two seems to be that extroverts gain energy through interaction and activity, while introverts typically gain energy through solitude and reflection. Once again, this does not imply that extroverts do not appreciate solitude or reflection at times. Nor does it mean that introverts don’t appreciate interaction and activity.

The question is, what drains us and what energizes us?

There are some aspects of introversion and extroversion that seem to be more the norm. Again, Jessica Pan writes in her book that she is generally viewing introverts and extroverts this way:

“I am working from the understanding that introverts, to paraphrase: seek solitude, concentrate well, are contemplative, dislike small talk, love one-on-one conversations, find long periods of socializing draining, and are often, though not always, shy and sensitive. And that extroverts are: highly sociable, risk-taking, relaxed in the spotlight, loud, enthusiastic, and enjoy large groups of people.”

The thing is, those descriptions are not often accurate on every point with every person. That actually did not describe me perfectly as an introvert. How we express our introversion and extroversion probably varies for each of us. We all fall somewhere along this spectrum between very extroverted and very introverted.

To add to that, a couple of new terms have been introduced to the conversation: ambivert and omnivert. Ambiverts and omniverts both show traits of both introverts and extroverts, but they differ in how they display these traits.

Ambiverts comfortably switch between social and solitary activities, while omniverts experience more extreme shifts in their social behavior— sometimes acting like they are strong extroverts and other times acting like they are intense introverts (often depending on mood or situation). These can be challenging things to navigate when it comes to interacting with one another in a church body.

What adds to that challenge: It’d be hard enough if the only personality differences that we had in our body were introversion and extroversion, but they’re not. Just think of all the different personality types that are present here this morning:

Optimism vs. Pessimism. Risk-taking vs. Caution. Assertiveness vs. Passivity. Empathy vs. Detachment. Tolerance for ambiguity vs. a Need for Structure. Agreeable vs. Aggressive. Planner vs. Spontaneous. Conscientious vs. Carefree. Peacemaker vs. Reformer. We could actually go on and on, so here’s a working definition of “personality” that I think can help us:

“Personality is the enduring configuration of characteristics and behavior that comprises an individual’s unique adjustment to life, including major traits, interests, drives, values, self-concept, abilities, and emotional patterns …. Personality is generally viewed as a complex, dynamic integration or totality shaped by many forces, including hereditary and constitutional tendencies; physical maturation; early training; identification with significant individuals and groups; culturally conditioned values and roles; and critical experiences and relationships” (Adapted from the APA Dictionary of Psychology).

To sort of boil it down, our personalities are then a mixture of a lot of things: the way that God uniquely made us, plus our unique stories and backgrounds, plus our cultures, plus are unique experiences. With these new experiences and additions to our stories, our personalities can actually shift. We might not have the exact same personality five years from today as we do right now. So not only do we all have differing personalities, those personalities can shift over time.

I realize that personality tests and assessments are not infallible. Jim mentioned this morning, they can be helpful, but they’re not infallible. But I do find them fascinating. I really do. So I took my Enneagram, my DISC, my Myers-Briggs, and even my StrengthsFinder results, and I threw them all into AI. I asked for a personalized personality profile because apparently, part of my personality is that I’m a nerd.

In looking at the results — and I’m not going to tell you the results. No, no, no. You don’t want to know — my initial response was, “Wow, this is actually very accurate.” It’s very accurate. I had a second thought that followed very closely on the heels of that first thought, and that was, “I am really a confusing human being.” There’s a lot going on in here. I’m sure I’m confusing to be around. I had a new appreciation for my wife, being married to me for 31 years, and trying to navigate my personality.

We have a body of hundreds and hundreds of different personalities represented here at North Hills Church. So how are we supposed to approach the diversity of personalities in our midst? Before we answer that question, I think it would be helpful for us to first consider some of our natural tendencies with those who differ from us in personality.

1. The first tendency can be gravitating only toward those with similar personalities.

This is understandable. This is an easy thing to do. Most of our closest friends will have personalities that are either similar to ours or at least compatible with ours. The potential problem here, though, is that we only really interact with those who are compatible with us, and we become cliques with just a few other favorite people.

2. The flip side of gravitating towards people who are easily compatible with our personality is actually withdrawing from those with different personalities. We find others that are clearly not compatible with our personality, and we consciously or unconsciously withdraw from them. We may even look for opportunities to avoid interacting with them because it’s just uncomfortable.

3. A third natural tendency is using personality as an excuse to not fulfill the New Testament “one another” commands. Perhaps we avoid following some of those one another commands because they push us way out of our comfort zones. Consider many of the “one another” commands given to us in the New Testament:

Love one another (John 13:34–35). Obviously, everything else kind of falls underneath this, but love one another happens all of the time. In fact, Jesus said, here’s how people know that you’re my disciples: if you love one another.

Be devoted to one another (Romans 12:10).
Accept one another (Romans 15:7).
Live in harmony with one another (Romans 12:16).
Don’t grumble against one another (James 5:9).
Stop passing judgment on one another (Romans 14:13).
Pursue what makes for peace and mutual upbuilding with one other (Romans 14:19).
Have the same care for one another (1 Corinthians 12:25).
Use your gifts to serve one another (1 Peter 4:10).
Encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 4:18).
Build up one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
Instruct one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
Admonish or rebuke one another (Colossians 3:16).
Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs (Ephesians 5:19).
Teach one another (Colossians 3:16).
Spur one another on toward love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24).
Confess your sins to one another (James 5:16).
Submit to one another out of a reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21).
Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another (1 Peter 5:5).
Forgive one another (Ephesians 4:32).
Honor one another above yourselves (Romans 12:10).
Greet one another (Romans 16:16).
Have fellowship with one another (1 John 1:7).
Show hospitality to one another without grumbling (1 Peter 4:9).

When I look at a list like this, my mind immediately goes to comparing this to paddling downstream with a swift current as opposed to paddling upstream in that same swift current. With my personality, speaking for me, there are certain commands here that make me feel like I’m paddling downstream, and others where I feel like I’m paddling upstream.

Encouraging a hurting person, that is paddling downstream for me. I gravitate toward that. That’s easy for me. Admonishing someone, rebuking them for sin, that is like paddling upstream for me. That’s not easy. Teaching one another, instructing one another: paddling downstream. Forgiving one another, that’s paddling upstream for me. Pursuing what makes for peace, that paddling downstream. I don’t like conflict. It’s not part of my personality.

Showing hospitality without grumbling? That can really be difficult for me at times. I think if the Apostle Peter had just written “show hospitality to one another,” maybe I could feel a little better about myself. But then he puts up “without grumbling.” That’s hard sometimes.

Our tendency can be to say, “I’m not touching that ‘one another’ command. I’m not doing that because it’s not part of my personality. It’s uncomfortable for me.”

A fourth natural tendency can be assuming our personality is superior to another’s. “Introverts are better than extroverts,” or judging another’s character based on their different personality. I think we probably do this more than we realize.

Introverts talking about extroverts: “They’re overbearing.”
Extroverts talking about introverts: “They just don’t care about people. They don’t love people.”

Optimists about pessimists: “They just don’t have faith. They lack faith. They don’t trust in God.”
Pessimists about optimists: “These are people who just don’t live in reality. They don’t live in reality.”

Risk takers, talking about cautious people: “They’re overwhelmed with fear. That’s how they live, they live in fear.”
Cautious people about risk takers: “Oh, they’re reckless. They’re thoughtless.”

Assertive people about passive people: “They’re spineless. They don’t have any courage.”
Passive people about assertive people: “They bulldoze people. They’re control freaks.”

Agreeable about aggressive: “They’re harsh and unkind.” Aggressive about agreeable: “They care more about peace than they do about truth.”

We could go on and on. Can I be honest? It’s so easy for me to make myself the standard of what a perfectly balanced personality looks like, and anybody to the right of me has these problems, anybody to the left of me has these problems. It can be very natural for us to see somebody different than we are and automatically reduce it to a character issue because they are different.

All four of these natural tendencies can lead to hurt and disunity in a church. So how do we approach this vast range of personality differences within our body in a way that honors Christ?

Paul wrote our text for this morning, Ephesians 4:1-6, to help the church at Ephesus manage life in the body with two very different groups: Jews and Gentiles. Within it, we find several reminders that will help us navigate the diverse personalities within a church.

The first reminder is this:
1. Our personalities (or any other differences, by the way) may be definite, but they are not defining.

They may be real things. All of us have personalities. Nobody here doesn’t have a personality, right? We all have personalities; they’re definite things. But it’s not what ultimately defines us as believers. John Stott wrote,

“For three chapters [speaking of the first three chapters of Ephesians] Paul has been unfolding for his readers the eternal purpose of God being worked out in history. Through Jesus Christ, who died for sinners and was raised from death, God is creating something entirely new, not just a new life for individuals, but for a new society. Paul sees an alienated humanity being reconciled, a fractured humanity being united, even a new humanity being created. It is a magnificent vision.”

30 times in these first three chapters of the book of Ephesians, Paul speaks about a believer’s union with Christ. 30 times. They were now identified with Christ. They were no longer primarily identified as Jews and Gentiles. Paul reiterates this idea in Colossians 3:11,

“Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.”

This did not mean that any of these designations ceased to exist. It just meant that there was something greater to define them than those earthly designations. And we can add personality type to that list.

The truest thing about me is not my Enneagram or my Myers-Briggs type. It’s not where I fall on the introversion and extroversion spectrum.

The truest thing about me is my union with Christ. My identity is in him.

If you were sitting in our workshop three weeks ago, some of this is going to sound familiar. Paul says,

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Because this is true of all believers, Paul reminds the Ephesian church in verse 1 to walk in a way that corresponds with their calling in Christ. Union with Christ is the foundation of the way that we relate to one another.

When I look upon those in this church, I am not first and foremost to see all of the things that differentiate us, but what unites us. We’re not simply a group or a body of various personality types. When I look at you, as Paul states in verses 4-6 of our passage this morning, I see people who unite under a singular identity:

“There is one body, one spirit, just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call. One Lord, one faith, one baptism. One God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all.”

Our personalities may be definite, right? They’re real. But they do not ultimately define us.

Second reminder:
2. Our personalities may be descriptive, but they are not determinative.

Or maybe another way to put this is our personalities may be descriptive, but they’re not prescriptive. My personality does not set the agenda for how I relate to others in the body. Now that I am a new creation in Christ, I have been given a new way to determine how I respond to others despite intense differences with them. Look at verse 2.

How do we navigate all of the various personalities in our body?

First of all, humility.

Humility is the heart posture that esteems others above oneself. True humility looks out, even with people who are different than us, and recognizes the value and the worth of those people. Consider how Paul describes the humility of Christ:

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:3-5).

Gentleness, or meekness, is a spirit of restraint, tenderness, consideration, and kindness toward others. It’s the opposite of harshness. When I look at somebody and I know that we are not compatible in our personalities, I’m not going to be harsh with them. I’m going to view them completely differently.

Patience is the third thing. The spiritual grace of facing hardship or frustration without losing love and without losing composure.

Bearing with one another in love is the fourth. This is enduring the weaknesses and differences of others with Christ-like love— without resentment, without irritation. This is what Brandon spoke about last Sunday.

What do these four characteristics look like in the context of interacting with others who have diverse personalities? What might this look like?

Humility allows us to look at others and not feel like our way is the only way. We begin to view them through the lens of their union with Christ and his fellow image bearers rather than as obstacles to our comfort or our preferences. It allows us, as Matt talked about, to listen to others. As Antone talked about, to learn from others. And as Brandon talked about, to lean into others even when their personality or other differences feel difficult for us. That’s what humility does.

Gentleness allows us to deal with others’ personality traits that make us feel uncomfortable and respond with kindness and grace (rather than frustration, condescension, or judgmentalism). That’s what meekness is going to do.

Patience allows us to endure personality clashes and irritations without demanding change. You don’t have to become like me or be more compatible with me in order to have union with me. We don’t demand that they change or that they become more compatible with us without withdrawing or judging. It’s the long-haul view that realizes that often these relationships will take time.

Bearing with one another in love is a Spirit-empowered willingness to put up with people’s personality quirks and traits with compassion and grace. It’s a love that mirrors the steadfast love of Christ for all of us when we are anything but easy or deserving. This takes time, and it takes energy. Bearing with one another is not a fun idea. It is forbearing, bearing for a long time. And it’s not efficient.

In his book, You Were Never Meant To Do It All, Kelly Kapic writes,

“Love, community, and growth of character are often—though not always—at odds with our notion of efficiency.”

I love this next line.

“One of the most inefficient things you can ever do is love another person.” It’s not a business transaction. It doesn’t always go quickly and easily. One of the most inefficient things you can ever do is love another person. I would think that that probably goes double when we’re being called to love someone who may be difficult for us to love.

It is humility, gentleness, patience, and this forbearing love that guides our responses to others whom we do not feel are really compatible with our personality types. In other words, our personality does not determine how we relate to other people. It’s the humility and the gentleness and the patience and the forbearing love that flows from our union with Christ that really shapes how we relate to others.

3. A third reminder is this: Our personalities may be diverse, but they must not be divisive. Paul writes here in verse 3,

“eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

Now, Paul never promises that unity, despite diversity, would be an easy thing to achieve. This word “eager” here, that starts that verse, means to do something with intense effort. It’s hard work, but it’s an urgent work.

In this endeavor, let me just promise you this right now: If I’m going to follow verse 3, eager to guard or maintain the Spirit of unity in the bond of peace, it will call for me to sacrifice. It’s going to call for me to wander out of my comfort zone at times.

Notice we’re not called in this passage to create unity with other people. As Paul mentions earlier in this very book, that unity in Christ, those dividing walls have been torn down. We are simply called upon to guard that unity that we have.

I can look across the table at somebody who has a personality trait that is far from compatible with mine, and I can have unity with them because of our shared identity in Christ. Therefore, we strive with great effort to maintain the unity that we have in Christ.

This bond of peace that he’s talking about here is not just merely conflict avoidance. We’re not like, “Okay, I’m going to sit across from this person, but I’m not going to really interact with them. I just want to avoid conflict. That’s my goal.” That’s not the goal. It’s the very peace of Christ that enables us to interact with one another in ways that edify one another despite the differences. Our personalities are diverse, but they must never be divisive.

How do we apply all of this? How do we take Ephesians 4:1-6 and apply it within the context of interacting with others, dealing with others, living with others who have very different personalities than we have, even personalities that we feel are not compatible at all with ours?

First of all, we confess. We confess where we have used personality as an excuse for withdrawal, inaction, or judgmentalism. One of the first steps toward genuine church unity in the body of Christ is honest confession. Many of us (and I say “us” because I firmly put myself in this category) at one time or another, have used our personality as a convenient excuse to withdraw from others, to remain passive when called upon to show love, or to judge those who relate differently than we do. We’ve used it as a means to avoid initiating, serving, and forgiving.

Ephesians 4:1-6 reminds us that our calling in Christ (not our temperament and not our personality) is the thing that sets the tone for our relationships. Confession brings that into the light. It humbles our hearts and opens the door for the Spirit to shape us more fully into the image of Jesus, who unifies with us, despite all our differences.

Secondly, we cultivate. We cultivate the habit of pursuing the “one another” commands in scripture that may be difficult for our personality type. If you are in Christ today, if we are believers, then I have full confidence that we all want to grow in how we love others. We’re all called to come out of our comfort zones and love.

Our personalities do not determine how we love others. Our union with Christ enables us to love others according to the Word of God and how it lays out loving others for us. So, even though it may feel like paddling upstream, I want to encourage you to walk in freedom and love others in a way that may be uncomfortable. While I’m not advocating taking an entire year and living like the opposite personality like Jessica Pan did, I am encouraging all of us to die to ourselves and love others in a way that may feel uncomfortable.

A third application is to celebrate. Celebrate the diversity of personalities in our body.

I love Paul’s words to the Corinthian church about unity in spite of diversity. I realize the context of that passage is about diversity with gifts, how we’re supposed to find unity with all the different gifts, but what I love about this passage is that it really teaches us how to view one another in the body despite those differences. So let me read that for us.

“For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—”

These sound familiar from Ephesians 4.

“…Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, ‘Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,’ that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, ‘Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,’ that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you,’ nor again the head to the feet, ‘I have no need of you’” (1 Corinthians 12:12-21).

We’ve probably all heard the saying “unity is not uniformity,” and perhaps that is nowhere better seen than in the body of Christ. Corrie Ten Boom once wrote,

“Be united with other Christians. A wall with loose bricks is not good. The bricks must be cemented together.”

I’m certain that all of these personalities are present in the body here at North Hills Church. If these differing personalities are not built upon the foundation of our union with Christ, that wall is going to become a crumbling mess. However, if our foundation is union with Christ, all of these different personality types can stand together with strength, stability, and purpose.

Like bricks in a wall, each of these personalities brings something very unique that we get to celebrate, but only when aligned on the unshakable foundation of our shared identity in Christ. Without that foundation, our differences can turn quickly into points of friction and division. But with Christ as our center, our diversity actually showcases God’s creativity. Our unity actually showcases God’s power.

At North Hills Church, we’re not aiming for uniformity. We’re striving for a gospel-rooted unity that binds all kinds of people together in love, humility, and peace. Amen?